Making a list and checking it twice. . .DAILY

It has long been my habit to makes lists (thanks, Mom) and I find that this keeps me out of quite a bit of trouble. I'll explain. Most of us have shopping lists, lists of errands we have to run, and task lists at work. These are useful indeed, but not terribly therapeutic. The truly helpful lists, for me, are the ones I rarely allow others to see. One of my oldest practices is to keep a list of people who are making me angry. I've done this for years and only recently found out I am not the only one. Stephen Colbert made it not only cool, but gave it a name.
I also keep lists of offensive things people say to me. For example, I was once in a relationship with a man whose mother was very rude to me. We're talking years here! Instead of allowing her to provoke me, I kept a running list of her insults in a book someone had given me to use as a diary. This way, I could stifle myself without feeling like I was giving in. I always got the last laugh because when I wrote these things down I would realize just how petty her comments really were, and how glad I was that I did not perpetuate the situation by responding. Eventually the whole process contracted and the commentary was immediately funny to me. Just knowing that I was going to be able to write it down was enough to get me through whatever nonsense she happened to be spewing on any given day. Ultimately the relationship did not work out, and I would be lying if I said she did not factor into my decision, but the fact that it lasted as long as it did is due in no small part to these lists. I still cherish each one.
This plan has been repeated over the years and I now have a somewhat impressive collection of similar material from friends, family members, boyfriends' family members, co-workers, and the occasional stranger. Let me take a moment here to reassure you. If you are the kind of person who would call me with great concern and say, "Do you have a list of things I'VE said?" I probably don't. If, on the other hand, your first instinct would be to ask, "So, what's on _____'s list?" you might just have your own entry in my compilation. Either way, there must be something I like about you or we wouldn't be on speaking terms. Although I can laugh off the trivial and thoughtless things, those who know me understand I would not tolerate actual verbal abuse. Words that have truly hurt me would never appear on these lists.
Everyone can say the wrong thing now and then and most of them do not even faze me. Really. I hope that you'll forgive me for any past or future entries in YOUR lists and realize that even though I do have an evil sense of humor, any actual insults were unintentional.
That said, allow me to introduce a new feature to the blog. I have added electronic versions of the "On Notice” and “Dead to Me" lists previously only available to visitors in my office. This is the only public list I have ever kept and it has been surprisingly popular with my colleagues. Everyone checks to see if they are on it and I even had one person request to be added (I didn't get that either). It will be kept as current as possible so check now and check back often! To protect even the guilty, I will not post any last names (except for public figures). See, I’m nicer than you thought!

This is not good for my self esteem.

I have been criticized of late for not updating this blog. To satisfy possibly my only reader, I give you some fodder for mocking me.



Recently, someone sent me a website where you can upload a photo of yourself to see which celebrity you most resemble. I did just that and was astonished to find out that I most closely resemble . . .

Sharon Osbourne??? I don't mean to be rude, but damn! That woman is more than twice my age! The others are not as bad, but I really don't see ANY similarities to ANY of the women on there. Especially Serena Williams. There, I said it.

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I decided to try a photo of myself wearing my glasses. I'll admit that this is not my best photo. I thought I would definitely come up Tina Fey this time. I could not have been more wrong.

Yes, boys and girls, that's ROBERT DOWNEY JR as my number one look-alike. In fact, half the people on there are men. Possibly more than half, I can't tell who or what a "Miyavi" is.

In an attempt to discredit this evil game, I uploaded a picture of my mother. Everyone who has met her knows she is a dead ringer for Susan Sarandon. I mean, she gets asked for her autograph all the time. This should have been a slam dunk. She came up Sinead O'Connor and Gabrielle Union. Now I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Want to ruin your own day? Visit http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/celebrity-collage.php and see who you look like!

Don't worry DVR, I already did yours. All I can say is OUCH! Lance Bass! I suddenly feel so much better.